Sorry baby, I just need to let out.

This month ain't bright at all..tho, it's sure is hot. I did make a big decision..and damn it surely hurts before and after making it. I felt alone, ignored and taken for granted. She always claimed to understand how i feel..she said all those sweet things and how we are going to work it out for the better..but she's not doing it. It just words. How would you feel if after a heated arguement, we talked things out and the next day u would want to just meet up with her, chill and cool things off and just feel the warmth of forgiveness and all but yeah, she went to china jam..just becoz I said she could go..but why of all the fucking time that day. I just so need someone to seek comfort in. "Where are u something i called love....?"

And after that the way she treated me was so cold. The voice so monotonous..so empty, no more the warmth & lively feeling..Nowadays..It's like only when she got no one else then will she seek comfort in me..if not..i don't know..whoever those people are..and it's suppose to be our relationship and y the fuck am i the last one to know how you think or feel. I don't know, lately she somewhat changed...whatever the reason..only heaven knows. I was and yet still confused, hurt and angry. I couldn't sleep being worried whenever she got back late..i am not paranoid..I just don't trust her..yeah..you heard me right..I don't trust her..I don't know y..I tried many times but my heart just won't allow it..mayb not yet.."Sometimes it's fading..sense of degrading.......Hang on"

I am not selfish tho i am very revengeful..I know i can't go on like this while she seems to be seeking a freedom i can't grant..it's not that i am shallow minded or what..I experienced too much lies, deception and I don't trust anyone but myself & god. I was a playboy before and girls were nothing serious to me and it's a mutual understanding that we were having a open-relationship and to think of it..it's not about money, it's due to pleasure & satisfaction..they had bfs and fiances..and they even looked so innocent..they weren't at all.."Beware this troubled world..watchout for earthquakes."

She is the greatest thing that happened in my lives and it hurt me like fuck to think that i am leaving her..my choice which i never thought of even making..but..I go with my heart and after some thoughts..It seemed the best thing to do for both of us..she seem to chase something which i don't understand and it seem i can't give her...i got my studies which is affected with all the worries, heartaches and whatever fuck. It seems like my stress from studies is not enough..God..Mercy on my soul..it's tearing me apart...I did left her at town...I told ya i am vengeful..How does it feels like? Somewhat i felt the same before...but i did wanna give her a chance on that exact moment and she talked on the phone with her friend...how painful can it be...i was already late and my lads were waiting for me..don't she think she wasted enough time. And yeah...it's seemed so easy to go for clubbing and drinks with that 'HE'..right after that...i was dumbstrucked. Anything could happened...'HE' brought some friends along and she's the only girl there..she doesn't know how much i cared..i cared for her like my own sister..I brushed aside those thoughts and pray for the better..'HE' seems to be deserving the thanks . Whatever baby...i'm not jealous..seriously...i just find it funny. I laugh at the thought of my sacrifices for her and this is my reward in return..being so-called labelled as the guilty one. "Well, i am moving on, I am grooving on."

And to my futher humour, a pathetic typical matrep, a friend of her..haha.. is trying to woo her...hahah..and she even took the time entertaining him. At least i get some laugh out of this forsaken month. It goes something like " It's love at first sight, i know we are not the same...spread your wings and fly...this is the last message..." something like that and alots more of where that shit come from..fuck mann...those matreps and their desperateness..she told me she just knew him for like a week tops. Mann..i wish i could just bash u up..not becos of her...becoz u disgust me in a way, you fucking trasher. Go and fuck yourself asswipe. Oops..i apologies..i just get mad easily now..guess i been keeping my anger..from everything and it's building up..and i really waiting the opportunity to let it out...seriously..i am waiting for any sorry ass to make the slightest mistake..so stay out the way of this rampaging bull..i am not afraid of dying here. I am too angry for that. And if her faithful friend is reading this...yeah, you got that right..it's you...u are better off fucking around to get what you want rather than interfering in our relationship..stop influencing her you dumb ass, i don't like her living your pathetic so-called "life"...she deserves better and i can give her..the time will come when i can shower her with everything her heart desire..for now, i am schooling..got that..do note it down you retard. Sent this message to your friends . Thank You..Bitch. "Going on my Rampage.."

I think feel better now...

Sunshine...there won't be next time... "Our time is running Out"

Sunshine...i really treasure you...y does tonight have end? it's so hard to let go..and let us try this again..sometimes..I just don't wanna speak these words coz i don't wanna it any worst..y don't we hit restart and pause it at our favourite part baby..we'll skip the good byes...we'll find a way...we'll just run away..just u and i.... "The Neon lights in the night tonight will say...Everything will flow, The stars that shine in the open sky will say..everything will flow"

For now.. "Fuck the surround and party..I need a drink, badly"

"The drugs don't work, it just makes you worse" ...ouh really??? errmmm...nahhhh

*AciTz KiNgKi0w* turned back time on 7:44 PM

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